The Tortured Soul

Having worked in the city most of my life,  there have been many visions of despair and lost hope lying in the streets and walking through the tunnels that wind their way underneath the sky high buildings.

Passing by these visions, I have often wondered how they got there. 

What decisions were made by them or for them on the journey that now sees them kneeling on a street corner with a roughly written cardboard sign calling out for help?

At what point did they become the Tortured Soul.

I was born a very lucky person and I have lived in a place that is one of the jewels of the world. I have never been driven to leave for no longer than a trip away. Which in itself has provided me with joyful facts that I get to live in a very special place.

To these visions that have had their souls tortured, surely there must be something that they can do to get a leg up, have a shower, a plate of meat and two veg and a warm clean bed.

What good is the 'spare change'  they have often asked me for. I don't recall ever having given them any money. Every time there is a feeling regret but there are no immediate plans to change my decision.

Yes, I am being cruel as I am happy to pay $4 for a cup of skim flat white, sometime three times a day. But how can I be sure that they will buy food and not a box of wine?

In trying to understand the plight of these visions and compare them with my own journey and the journey of all others, I am beginning to believe that we are all Tortured Souls. We all have our demons that we carry each and every day.

I strongly believe that nobody misses out on that human trait, we are all Tortured Souls.

The Plumber who took on the trade when he was 15. School wasn't that great, yeah he was good at footy but school was just in the way. His fathers mate was a plumber and they chose that the best path for him was to get out of school, get an apprenticeship and focus on making the rep squad this summer before the season starts in the autumn for the junior teams.

As the young apprentice, day in day out for two years he dug holes, slid under houses that stunk of rotting mud and he did so wondering, even back that far, if he had chosen the right path.

His footy was going okay by his third year out of school. Maybe this could all work and he wouldn't have to be a plumber when he made his way in footy. 

In the steamy heat of on a Saturday evening in late summer, he got onto the field late in the game of the 1st grade team's last trial match before the season started in a couple of weeks.

The pitch was soft and wet after the storm season. He collected a brilliant spiraling pass and begun to step back to the inside when a player drove his shoulder into his upper leg while at the same time another monster went in about ankle height.

Breaks in two parts of his leg and the career was gone.

He would carry on being a plumber. Happily married now to his childhood sweetheart with four kids. Three boys, the eldest a carbon copy, and the youngest a girl, the star in his eye.

The plumber whilst outwardly seemingly happy, thinks back every day to when decisions were made for him and he forever lives with the burden of forever being a Tortured Soul.

The Veteran of War. The young boy had an uncle who was in the army and saw action in many places. He would always drop into have dinner on the night before he was to be shipped out to another far off place. His uncle would 'hold court' as he told great stories. Stories that hid his demons as the good story tellers know when to embellish and know when to edit.

He would sit alongside his uncle after dinner as he smoked his pipe out on the deck. The smell was intoxicating and to this very day he sucks in the air when its perfumed by the smell of a burning cigar or pipe.

The boys father would cringe when he saw his little man bask in the glow of his uncles adventures.

The father knew what was real behind the uniform. His brother had chosen to join up soon after he lost his cadet ship at the bank. His brother was smarter than him in many ways but something changed that day he lost his job. He'd always had the ability to connect with his older brother. But when his brother's journey was changed, he lost that ability to predict his next step.

The Uncle had lost his cadet ship after being lured into a group who made 'interesting decisions' in trading. The decision was offered to him to walk away and no further action would be taken.

The War Vet then set off to a world where his experiences in far off lands had him seeing things know one should see. His only way to bury, was to embellish.

It turns out that the young boy didn't chose the same path as the Uncle. Despite his youth, the young boy saw the Tortured Soul in his uncle.

The CEO who has holidays on sunny sandy beaches twice a year, runs a successful company with 15,000 staff worldwide. She was pulling in a seven figure base salary plus share options.

Being a woman, she fought tooth and nail to get to her place in the world. She gave up all else to get to that spot in the company but still had daily late night battles with the board and significant shareholders. 

What the outer world didn't see was the boyfriend she'd left behind when she took the promotion in Hong Kong at just 23. He was such a great guy.

Now she keeps in touch via looking at the Facebook photos of him and his lovely wife and three kids. His wife is lovely too which makes her grimace just that little bit more. She is happy for her lost love but she thinks everyday about the decision she made 15 years ago.

The CEO sleeps in a 3 bedroom townhouse by the harbour, a European badged car is in the garage and the wine in her fridge is nothing less than $30 a bottle. However, with all this success, she carries daily the burden of being a Tortured Soul.

The Tortured Soul is not restricted to that man on the train platform who seems to be arguing with himself. His past telling his future that he must step into the next train so all the demons can be destroyed.

The Tortured Soul is not restricted to the young boy who really wants to ask that girl out that he works with at the fast food joint. To him she is gorgeous but he has no idea what to do next, should she say yes to seeing that new movie with him that opens Thursday. What if she said yes and all friends saw him at the movies, with a girl? They would bag him out forever.

The Tortured Soul is that same young girl who has seen that dorky looking guy at work. She wishes he would ask her to see that movie that opens this Thursday. All of her friends are talking about boys and saying who they like. Its usually the surfy looking guy they see down the beach on weekends. She so wishes that dorky looking guy would ask her out so all of her friends could see her at the movies, with a boy.

We are all by human nature, Tortured Souls. We all have our demons. We all make key decisions in life that take us down the broken road on our journey to wherever it is we are taken.

There is a key difference in a lonely Tortured Soul and a Tortured Soul who has the support that can guide them along.

The Tortured Soul who has that support can make it through. 

All that is needed is to seek out those in need and hold their hand. 

Kids are best at this. They seem to know just when to squeeze you just that little bit tighter and close their eyes as they do. Its like they are sharing their energy boosters with you to re-ignite your soul. Dogs and Cats have a similar ability to know just when to sit at your feet and make you feel that they need you around. 

Whats going on inside our souls varies greatly of course, to some it feels like the end of the world and to some, it is.

So whether you are a successful CEO, a  Plumber, or a Veteran of War or that guy on his knees in the street, we are all Tortured Souls. 

Its having the strength to reach out that makes the difference.

FMJ